Fit to Post

Driving with Twine

2006-02-21T18:18:00.000-06:00

Back in the day, I literally broke my accelerator pedal again and drove with twine. It was not quite as fun as driving with rope.

Impeded progress

2006-02-11T01:59:00.000-06:00

So I broke my accelerator pedal today. Snapped it in half. The thing was made out of plastic. Now I'm no expert in automobile accelrator-pedal construction, but hollow plastic doesn't seem to be the material of choice when it comes to durable goods. However, it might say something about what this world is coming to (see New and Impoved ). I was on the highway trying to get into that coveted "no one else allowed" lane (the same area where The Ground Beneath Me occured), when one guy really decided no one else was allowed. I did my best to get into that lane, but to no avail. I tried so hard that I somewhat hindered any progress in any direction what so ever--by breaking my gas pedal. After slamming on the aforementioned accleration tool, I felt no resistance where there used to be a beefy spring loaded plank of what I later discovered was pure plastic. I literally picked up the pedal off the floor, twisted the thing around in my hand a couple times and gave an Indianna Jones look of confusion, surprise and horror.

Some quick thought process made me think to flip on the cruise control and use that to accelerate my self off of the highway to a safe assesment area. After stopping at my first red light, I realized that I could not engage my cruise control at 0 mph. I literally had to put my hazzard lights on and coast at about 1 mph to a cross street - and down town is full of one ways and no turns.

About three blocks later I turned off and tried to check out the stub where my friend, the accelerator had once been. Those things are friggin stuck back there! Upside down with my legs hanging out the door, I finally found the snapped plastic end. I found that for some reason, there was a sort of weight stuck upwards where the pedal connected to the rest of the car, and figured if I could wrap something around it, I could pull and accelerate. I pulled out a T-shirt and later got my hands on a section of rope and was driving like a sailor, and cursing like one too. It has been an intersting evening, but if anyone knows where I can get some titanium replacement pedals, shoot me an e-mail.

Matrix Messiah

2005-12-16T21:30:00.000-06:00

There have been several links made between the movie The Matrix and of Jesus Christ's life. The most obvious parallel is that one of the major factors in Keanu Reeves' charatcer, Neo's path is Trinity, another name for the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. Neo's name in the Matrix world is Thomas Anderson, quite possibly paying homage to his doubt that he is "the one" (doubting Thomas). Also, Anderson translates to son of Ander, and in greek, andros, meaning man. Son of Man, one of Jesus' nicknames.

John the Baptist said of Jesus "Behold, the Lamb of God who takes away the sin of the world! This is He on behalf of whom I said, 'After me comes a Man who has a higher rank than I, for He existed before me'. And I have seen, and have borne witness that this is the Son of God." Morpheus brings Neo into the real world telling everyone that he blindly believes that Neo is "the one" who will come to save them from the machine world.

As the story progresses, Cypher betrays the crew and tries to benefit by selling them out. This draws directly from Judas who betrayed Jesus.

Here's where the story gets a little turned around, as it would be tough to translate it exactly. Jesus foretold others of his death and resurection, but in The Matrix, the Oracle foretells that either Neo or Morpheus would have to die and in a passing comment said "you may be waiting for your next life," referring to the resurection. Either way, someone was going to be killed. When the crew is about to sacrifice Morpheus' life in order to save the codes of Zion, Neo decides to go in after him, knowing full well that they may be killed.

When Neo goes and saves Morpheus, Trinity and Morpheus get out of the Matrix, and Neo is last, after some fist fighting and running, he gets killed. Shortly thereafter, (not quite Jesus' 3 days) he gets up, after being saved by love of Trinity.

There are several more parallels, but I won't go into them. If you want to see more, I got these from http://awesomehouse.com/matrix/parallels.html.

My main point is that out of all 3 Matrix movies, the first one is absolutely the most interesting and entertaining movie, simply because they were using the story of Jesus as a springboard instead of writing a story just to finish up the series.

Got this somewhere else

2005-10-24T00:19:00.000-05:00

Q: How many Bush Administration officials does it take to screw in a
light bulb?
A: None. There is nothing wrong with the light bulb; it's condition is
improving every day. Any reports of it's lack of incandescence are
totally unfounded, and the result of delusional "spin" assaults from the
fanatic, elitist, liberal media. That light bulb has served honorably,
and anything you say undermines the lighting effect and dims it's ego.
Why do you hate freedom?

We're all homo sapiens

2005-09-17T15:40:00.001-05:00

This article is to be printed in the Wake www.Wakenews.org. All rights reserved.

There are people out there who are attracted to humans of the same sex. gasp! It’s true. And believe it or not, some of them want to get married. -shriek!- Tell me why I should care. I have searched, and I can’t find a decent argument against gay marriage. Perhaps I will see the light when I read what’s on the other half of this page. But for now: Go dudes!

During this gay debate, it’s important to realize that true homosexuality is not learned, according to a May 2005 study by the Karolinska Institute in Sweden. Those Swedes found that gay men, like women, reacted to chemicals put off by other men, while straight men only reacted to chemicals from females. Like Ron Burgundy said – “It’s science.”

When the Massachusetts Supreme Judicial Court first ruled for gay marriage in Nov. 2003, President George W. Bush said that he would “do what is legally necessary to defend the sanctity of marriage.” Dubya! Sanctity? Come on! Couldn’t your press secretary come up with anything better than that?

sanctity n : the quality of being holy

Now let’s be honest. Here in America, I could vote at 18 (26th Amendment), I can’t own slaves (13th Amendment) and I can write this article without fear of the government taking me out back and roughing me up (First Amendment). Thanks Constitution, I owe you one.

Not only does the First Amendment to the Constitution protect my right to write, but it also protects the separation of church and state. “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion,” bla bla bla. Translated: The government has to keep their hands out of God’s cookie jar. Dubya doesn’t have the right to keep churches from recognizing the union between a couple with the same kind of music-makers.

And to be honest, there are much more serious issues threatening the “sanctity” of marriage. Has any politician come out and said anything about “doing everything possible to lower divorce rates around the country?” I think a giant hefty bag full of us know what it is like to be ravaged by a parents’ divorce but have never had to “suffer the wrath” of a gay marriage. And no offense to any of you who have flown out to Vegas for a quicky with Elvis, but I think shotgun Vegas marriages would get put in the “not-so-holy” stack.

But maybe, just to be safe, the lawmakers should keep their hands off of God’s massive chocolate chip cookie called marriage.

Since homosexual attraction is “science,” a union between two people should be recognized by the state. They don’t have to spend thousands of dollars on flowers and little ribbons to get married in a church (although I’m sure those guys from Queer Eye wouldn’t give that up for a life time supply of cuticle therapy crème).

Any couple, regardless of race, religion or sexual preference should be able to save a couple bucks on their taxes, be together in the hospital and enjoy the benefits from their places of employment. Homosexuals can’t change who they are attracted to, just like heterosexuals can’t. So whether you like it or not, homos should be able enjoy the same right to a civil union that heteros do. The way I see it, it’s only a matter of time.

My dad - the rock star. pt. 2

2005-09-15T13:44:00.000-05:00

I did that research I said I was going to to. I did a background check - no arrests for drunk driving or posession. Check. I looked at his college yearbooks . . . wait wait wait! The man likes Peter Paul and Mary. He was NEVER a rock star. No questions about it. My dad was not a rock star.

Common Fare

2005-08-25T14:26:00.000-05:00

The Minnesota State Fair starts today. What an occasion. Right up there with the Twins home opener and the fishing opener, Minnesotans will take days off of work, hit numerous ATMs and drool in anticipation on the way to the feast. On my way in to work today, a security guard from St. Louis asked me about the fair. I was almost disgusted to tell him where to find the gates that hold in the stench of metal, spilled beer and never-hardening cheese. But as a portly man with a southern drawl, I knew he'd probably enjoy some aspects that don the fairgrounds every year, namely the food. I'll probably advise him to stay away from any barbecue joints if he doens't already know to refreain. Afterall, most southernfolk know not to touch any brisket cooked north of the Mason Dixon line. And to be honest, I didn't really have anything to suggest, and I'm glad I didn't. I didn't want to be acquitted for being an accomplice to the man's death.

Several publications tout "people watching" as a reasonable alternative to scarfing the state's grease. Perhaps they are also trying to avoid serving time. Either way, I think it's outrageous that someone would want to watch pounds of blubber wiggle from one greasy yellow-and-white-striped kiosk on wheels to the next. Of course observers could be interested in oggling the trimmer bunch, but it's kind of sick to watch throngs of under-dressed 15 year olds wander around.

Either way you slice it, going to the fair isn't worth the money you dish out for the piece of paper they rip at the gate isn't really worth it. You come home with a layer of dust, manuer and grease on your body that won't wash off for days. But I'll be honest. I don't care what you do, I'm going to enjoy that footlong pronto pup smothered in mustard and ketchup. There's not really anything quite like it.

My dad - the rock star.

2005-07-14T13:26:00.000-05:00

It turns out that my dad has the same name a one of the guitarists from Winger - John Roth. This is groundbreaking news to me because my father also plays guitar.... Is it possible that my dad was jamming out to "She's only seventeen," before I was old enough to know what that meant? Did my dad live a double life as a classical guitarist and a rock star without letting people know? I'll have to do some reserach on this matter and hopefully expose my dad for the true rockstar he is. More on this as the investigation continues...

the ground beneath me

2005-07-11T13:27:00.000-05:00

I was on my way to school today. I was in no hurry, but I was late, so I wasn't sluggish by any means. But apparently, the wiry man with a greying goatee in the Mercedez behind me though otherwise. Just inches from my rear bumper, he was entirely too close for my tastes. However, on barely five hours of sleep, I was too tired to expend energy on anger and I proceeded to ignore him. About fifteen seconds later, I calmly began to merge into the exit lane. I checked my blind spot and there he was! I slammed on the breaks and tires squaled as I fishtailed and he blurred past.

I then did what any sane driver would do, I sped up behind him at the stoplight, layed on my horn and swore at him as loudly as I could. I used "road-rage sign language." No, I did not flip him the bird (at that point), but I explained to him, by waving my arms incessantly, that I was trying to get over and that he was in the wrong by zooming through my lane change. Something that is entirely too complex for gestures, but the metal and glass surrounding you limit your communication ability somewhat. Add a near-miss car incident, and voila, you have some serious road rage sign language, followed by the bird.

I imagine Speedy Gonzalez thought I was in the wrong as he started his own road rage sign language and answered my one-finger-salute with his own classy one-finger-salute-kiss-his-hand-one-finger-salute.

After we went our separate ways, I started thinking about what his point of view must have been. Maybe he really did think I was in the wrong and he was doing everything right. Maybe I had done something that I was unaware of and was returning some sort of favor. It reminded me that every argument happens because of differing viewpoints. There wouldn't be an argument if you both had the same viewpoint.

It has helped me in some disagreements to pretend to go over to the other viewpoint and try and examine the issue from over there. It sure doesn't fix the problem. I don't think anyone would ever all of a sudden agree with their opponent. Imagine James Carville and Rush Limbaugh debating and Carville stops talking for a moment (yeah, that's a miracle all on its own). Then he says "wait a minute, Rush. You mean to say that if we stop all our wellfare problems, I too will have to pay less in taxes, therefore retaining more of the money that I work hard everyday to earn?" At that point Rush would grow a wide smile and say "James, are you looking at this issue from my point of view?" ... It just won't happen. However, it does help you explore what might be going throught the other person's head, therefore opening up your mind, slightly.

So I did that. I looked at the other point of view. I thought about what the other man in the nice car was thinking. And he's still wrong. He's an asshole and the ground beneath him shows one point of view - the wrong one.

Musical Chairs

2005-07-08T11:15:00.000-05:00

Here is a hilarious complaint from a customer on an airline which will remain anonymous. And no, it's not the one I work for (in the north-western part of the country). Read this all the way through, it is complaint wizardry.

--------------------------
Dear ********* Airlines,

I am disgusted as I write this note to you about the miserable experience I am having sitting in seat 29E on one of your aircrafts. As you may know, this seat is situated directly across from the lavatory, so close that I can reach out my left arm and touch the door.

All my senses are being tortured simultaneously. It's difficult to say what the wort part about sitting in 29E really is? Is it the stench of the sanitation fluid that is blown all over my body every 60 seconds when the door opens? Is it the wooosh of the constant flushing? or is it the passnegers asses that seem to fit into my personal space like a pornographic jigsaw puzzel?

I constructed a stink-shield by shoving one end of a blanket into the overhead compartment - while effective in blocking at least some of the smell, and offering a small bit of privacy, the ass-on-my-body factor has increased, as without my evil glare, passengers feel free to lean up against what they think is some kind of blanketed wall. The next ass that touches my shoulder will be the last!

I am picturing a board room full of executives giving props to the young promising engineer that figured out how to squeeze an additional row of seats onto this plane by putting them next to the LAV. - I would like to flush his head down the toilt that I am close enough to touch and taste from my seat.

Putting a seat here was a very bad idea. I just heard a man GROAN in there! THIS SUCKS!

Worse yet is I've paid over $400.00 for the humor of sitting in this seat! Does your company give refunds? I'd like to go back where I came from and start over. Seat 29E could only be worse if it was located inside the bathroom.

I wonder if my clothing will retain the sanitizing odor.... what about my hair! I feel like I am bathing in a toilet bowl of blue liquid and there is no man in a little boat to save me.

I am filled with a deep hatred for your plane designer and a general dis-ease that may last for hours.

We are finally descending and soon I will be able to tear down the stink-shield, but the scars will remain.

I suggest that you initiate immediate removal of this seat from all of your crafts. Just remove it and leave the smouldering brown hole empty, a good place for sturdy, non-absorbing luggage, maybe, but not human cargo.

End of the session?

2005-07-06T22:03:00.000-05:00

I don't have any time to post new thoughts today, so I'll borrow a small article I wrote in December of last year before the session started. Now that we're in the midst of a partial government shutdown, this piece is a refreshing glance back to the days approaching the start of the session.
-------------------------------
Capitol Cowboy
by Justin Roth
December 17, 2004

A reproduction of a painting sits on the scarred hardwood floor of John Curry’s cold corner office. The painting depicts two blanket-smothered cowboys riding drooping horses through a windy snow-covered prairie. Curry looked out his window at the Minnesota State Capitol building four blocks away, still free of snow in December.

“I walk to that building in my wing-tips all winter” Curry said, pointing out the window to the tall pasty dome.

Curry is the legislative director at the Minnesota Center for Environmental Advocacy, an office of about 20 people. Light spills into the office through Curry’s large wood framed window reveals the building and the path he will walk all winter. Around the window, peeling paint has been covered up with more paint to try and slow the chipping.

Curry has requested from his employer a Segway, a two-wheeled stand up scooter, to help him get to the capitol on the snowy days. They declined, but he still thinks it would be nice to have an easier way up there.

Every day of the session, from January to May, Curry walks up to the building and talks to senators, representatives and other groups in an effort to increase the number of votes on bills that will benefit the environment. He says he puts in 40 hours a week at the capitol building, and then around 25 hours a week more at the office. The ironic factor is he joined the advocacy group to have more time for his family.

His resume includes a job as a staff at the Minnesota House of Representatives, work on several political campaigns and lobbying for the Hennepin County Attorney’s Office. When he had a little girl he wanted to continue campaigning, but the 18-hour days were not family-friendly. He mentioned that he wanted to work for the environment so he called the center for environmental advocacy. He was hired during his call to the center, but he worried about his limited environmental experience. He was told ‘if you know lobbying, we can teach you environment.’

His long days are due to the amount of time meeting with politicians takes. He says he has from six to eight committees that he has to meet with about several different bills, and there are usually over a dozen members on each of those committees. He has to spend 15-20 minutes on each person on each committee for each bill he wants to discuss. Then he has to come back to the office to organize everything. On top of that, he says trying to schedule time with a legislator takes about an hour.

In addition to meeting with politicians, he has to meet with other groups that may have similar goals as the MCEA. This adds difficulties to the task because his group likes to work quickly.

“We’re more of a cowboy organization,” Curry said. “We take an issue and go. Working with coalitions adds more stress”

Curry recently talked to a woman who didn’t want to bring in other groups that helped the goal they were working towards. He says some of the groups that share environmental goals can surprise some people. He says hunters, while they tend to be conservative, obviously share goals with environmentalists, who tend to be liberal. On the other hand, Curry says even environmentalists can clash. The Sierra Club recently disagreed with the MCEA while the government sided with the center. Curry said it could have confused the public, but Curry convinced the Sierra Club to take a neutral stance.

The power to get your way as a legislative assistant comes from relationships, Curry said.

“Even if they oppose your bill, they will still meet with you if they have a respect for the way you present the facts,” Curry said.

But inside his office decorated with children’s marker drawings and pictures of his family, he prepares for the upcoming session. He says sometimes there is not enough time in the day.

“Sometimes when you’re close to defeat, you’re right on the edge,” Curry said. “If I work harder, someone might call their legislator. The wife and kids get ignored, the dog doesn’t get walked and the home doesn’t get cleaned.” But he has also negotiated time off during the summer. He said a lobbyist is worthless when there aren’t politicians meeting.

“Over the summer you’ll find me being a dad,” he said. “You’ll find me at the state fair or at the science museum.”

John Curry will soon he will be braving the Minnesota prairie on the snowy four-block journey to the capitol, in his wing tips. He’ll be the cowboy, John Curry, lobbying for the environment.

New and improved

2005-07-05T15:40:00.000-05:00

So I reached into my refrigerator today to move the bottle of Neuman's Own Olive Oil and Vinegar salad dressing so I could grab my bottle of cranberry juice. Much to my surprise, the salad dressing bottle was made of plastic. Neuman always has used glass bottles for his salad dressings (at least the ones I have used). I'm not sure, but Cool Hand Luke may have changed to plastic so he doesn't break his famous salad dressings' bottle while reaching for the hard boiled eggs. Either way, the plastic replacement is slightly disappointing.

It was quite a coincidence that I just noticed this material make-over because I was pondering this very issue in my head as I drove home from a Spanish test this morning. I was thinking about how old materials are constantly being replaced with new materials. The cheapest material available will be used in an effort to maximize the profit earned per product (in many cases). As every material goes by the wayside, a part of our culture leaves us. As we improve our surroundings, we lose experiences that have been a part of our culture.

Some of these things may not be noticeable to some. Many people couldn't tell the difference between listening to a guitar made out of maple wood compared to a guitar made out of rosewood, but other changes are much more noticeable. For instance, a hand rail made out of metal instead of wood. As I walk by objects, sometimes, I reach out and touch it as I walk along. I may not be able to feel that particular texture after that material is replaced. Try it. It amuses me to realize I am thinking about this thing that no one else is thinking about. As I feel the indents in the wood handrail, no one else is thinking about that texture as I think about it. It kind of puts a spin on your day that eases the stress, at least a little bit. So many things in life are fleeting. It's important to take advantage of what is there when it is still there.

So enjoy your glass bottles of salad dressing, wood hand railings or genuine leather jackets. They all may be plastic tomorrow. And lord knows that no matter how many hard boiled eggs you plan to eat, it’s always pleasing to feel the weight of a glass bottle in your hand at dinner time.

shutdown

2005-07-01T14:54:00.000-05:00

Today's made-up word: governmensia: dimensia from all the trouble our governments can cause

The Minnesota State government went into a partial shut down today. The shutdown happened because the Senate could not agree on a budget plan. It is fascinating that these politicians don't show up and do their duty. One Sentor revealed that on some days during the regular session, the Senate met for less than an hour and left. It's no wonder these folks can't get anything done in the time allotted. If we all showed up for work for fifteen minutes and left, there would be a stack of flies/burgers/iron that wouldn't get taken care of.

Now I know that they have other things to do besides meet in the Senate chambers, but they have a responsibility to conclude their discussions and vote on something that benefits the people of the State. One Senator spoke about how the Senate would be a failing business, and it's true. If a business performed that poorly, they would be done.

One other gripe I have with these guys is that they talk so slowly. Some of them say "um" more than all other words combined. I artificially estimate that they waste 25 percent of their time stumbling over words, saying um and pausing while they read some note their intern scribbled on a computer print out.

This is our representative government. If you also feel appalled about how the government handles their duties, contact your representative.