We're all homo sapiens

This article is to be printed in the Wake www.Wakenews.org. All rights reserved.

There are people out there who are attracted to humans of the same sex. gasp! It’s true. And believe it or not, some of them want to get married. -shriek!- Tell me why I should care. I have searched, and I can’t find a decent argument against gay marriage. Perhaps I will see the light when I read what’s on the other half of this page. But for now: Go dudes!

During this gay debate, it’s important to realize that true homosexuality is not learned, according to a May 2005 study by the Karolinska Institute in Sweden. Those Swedes found that gay men, like women, reacted to chemicals put off by other men, while straight men only reacted to chemicals from females. Like Ron Burgundy said – “It’s science.”

When the Massachusetts Supreme Judicial Court first ruled for gay marriage in Nov. 2003, President George W. Bush said that he would “do what is legally necessary to defend the sanctity of marriage.” Dubya! Sanctity? Come on! Couldn’t your press secretary come up with anything better than that?

sanctity n : the quality of being holy

Now let’s be honest. Here in America, I could vote at 18 (26th Amendment), I can’t own slaves (13th Amendment) and I can write this article without fear of the government taking me out back and roughing me up (First Amendment). Thanks Constitution, I owe you one.

Not only does the First Amendment to the Constitution protect my right to write, but it also protects the separation of church and state. “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion,” bla bla bla. Translated: The government has to keep their hands out of God’s cookie jar. Dubya doesn’t have the right to keep churches from recognizing the union between a couple with the same kind of music-makers.

And to be honest, there are much more serious issues threatening the “sanctity” of marriage. Has any politician come out and said anything about “doing everything possible to lower divorce rates around the country?” I think a giant hefty bag full of us know what it is like to be ravaged by a parents’ divorce but have never had to “suffer the wrath” of a gay marriage. And no offense to any of you who have flown out to Vegas for a quicky with Elvis, but I think shotgun Vegas marriages would get put in the “not-so-holy” stack.

But maybe, just to be safe, the lawmakers should keep their hands off of God’s massive chocolate chip cookie called marriage.

Since homosexual attraction is “science,” a union between two people should be recognized by the state. They don’t have to spend thousands of dollars on flowers and little ribbons to get married in a church (although I’m sure those guys from Queer Eye wouldn’t give that up for a life time supply of cuticle therapy crème).

Any couple, regardless of race, religion or sexual preference should be able to save a couple bucks on their taxes, be together in the hospital and enjoy the benefits from their places of employment. Homosexuals can’t change who they are attracted to, just like heterosexuals can’t. So whether you like it or not, homos should be able enjoy the same right to a civil union that heteros do. The way I see it, it’s only a matter of time.